Elections can be such a shock.

One day you're getting on with your job, just as you always have, then suddenly it's as if overnight someone has broken into your house, changed the furniture and repainted the walls.

The landscape has shifted, the playing field tilted seismically.

To cope with this, you may need to find a counsellor; someone who's been there before and can offer support.

In the extreme case, when your new masters are of an entirely opposite political hue, bereavement counselling may even be necessary - while you call in sick and before you can contemplate returning to work.

It is imperative to tame new councillors - but sensitively.

The objective is to restore the status quo as quickly as possible so you can get on with what you were doing before.

First, help them with the basics like how the place works, where the toilets are, and filling out the expense accounts.

This begins to get them used to depending on you, as Jeeves to their Wooster.

New councillors may be naive to the point of mental retardation, but don't let them know that you know this.

Instead, regard it as an opportunity, a blank slate, 'pon which you may write what you will.

"A fresh eye," you remark, "is just what we need."

They will, naturally, enter your domain impelled by the burden of far too many frankly impractical policies.

The fact that these are why they may have been voted in can be allowed to carry little weight.

After all, this was probably due to low voter turnout, an unrepresentative poll result, or the sheer stupidity of the herd.

Their forward trajectory will soon be slowed by collision with the cobweb of legislation and the thicket that is the real world.

Your job is to soften this landing.

To achieve this there is a panoply of tricks ranging from scary sticks to succulent carrots.

In the latter category are phrases like "doing it this way will certainly save money... Best Value... ethical... displays true leadership".

Scary sticks include keywords such as "Scrutiny... Piles of paperwork... Comprehensive performance assessment...".

As only you know your way round the ceiling-high stacks of legislative literature, you can offer to save them the trouble of reading it themselves.

It's not that new blood isn't needed; most elected representatives have one foot in the grave.

Conservatives want teens of 18 to be allowed to stand for elections.

This is because the average age of a Tory is even higher.

The advantage of teenage electees (if there is such a word) is that they'll be easier to tame than oldies.

Oldies are the devil you know.

The real shock would be if the new blood actually understood the real world.

savvides@cyberium.co.uk | First published in Public Servant issue 4

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