Last week the government published a pedestrian policy.

Not for the first time, you might say, but this really was about getting people to burn more shoe leather.

The strategy had been sitting in Kim Howell's out-tray for months.

The delay in announcing it was allegedly because ministers were frightened of Pythonesque 'Ministry of Silly Walks' jokes.

It's funny what makes people concerned for their dignity.

If I were them I'd be far more worried about other reasons, such as the National Audit Office report into the PFI Tube sell-off.

It turned up a £455m bill for taxpayers just for expenses on behalf of the usual PFI honeybees Amey, Jarvis, Balfour Beatty etc..

If that's travel expenses, why didn't they take public transport? Oh, right, they did.

Perhaps next time they can walk.

Apparently they made profits 2-3 times over the private sector norms.

These companies are now lobbying to have the private sector abolished altogether.

That way they can make this kind of money on everything they do.

So the tube really is a black hole.

For the kind of money it's eventually expected to cost I'd expect it to link to the Channel Tunnel and then the Metro.

Just think, you could take the Jubilee Line from Westminster down to Montparnasse and cruise along the Boulevard St Germaine instead of going to work, and tell the boss you're sorry but you fell asleep on the tube and only woke up at the end of the line.

The NAO has published a pile of reports slamming PFI schemes.

But for the Treasury they're magic.

Build now, pay later.

New hospitals and schools mushrooming everywhere with hardly a dent in the bank statement.

That's because the public doesn't own them, but instead has a £100bn debt that'll take thirty years to pay off.

It's the equivalent of the husband's secret credit card so the wife won't discover his little indulgencies.

Of course, she always does.

Well, mine does anyway,

Our schools and hospitals are in hock to shadowy funds whose chief interest lies in maximizing dividends.

If it were personal I'd call them loan sharks.

But they're not, they're private equity companies.

In my dictionary it says 'equity' means even-handed or fair.

Phew, that's all right then.

PFI is the opposite of a protection racket; it makes endowment mortgages look attractive.

It's as if you got the builder in to build you an extension and when he's finished he owns it, you have to pay to use it for the next thirty years, and offer a sacrificial goat just to get the light bulbs changed.

So here's my walking policy - let the Treasury task force that pushed PFI through go for a jolly long hike.

A facile suggestion, you say? Silly me.

savvides@cyberium.co.uk | First published in Public Servant issue 5

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